BUNJI & FAYANN: “ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR… (AND SOCA)”

FayAnn Lyons-Alvarez and Bunji Garlin’s “victories” in 2008 must be viewed as the shot that reverberated throughout the Soca World, silenced their critics within the Soca industry, and proved that they are a Soca farce... I mean FORCE, after all.

Please, let me - the Carnival Corbeaux - offer my sincere congratulations to these well-deserved winners. These victories reaffirmed their collective reputation as a Soca powerhouse – a position many felt was lost immediately after their marriage (oh gosh, let the people enjoy a little honeymoon time nah?). Little did the critics know that the unification of great minds is the creation of a lethal weapon (Bonnie and Clyde anyone? Sorry dey Destra – I couldn’t help the pun).

Bunji Garlin - who I would like to call the Michael Jordan of the Soca Monarch “competition” - came out of retirement in 2008 to enter the William Monroe Show and “win”. I mean, come on: did we really expect Bunji Garlin to place anywhere else but first? Please.

William Monroe knows that Garlin is a primary crowd attraction for his show and once “The Fireman” signed on the dotted line and agreed to defend his title in 2009, Monroe had to ensure that Bunji won so that the show’s main attraction was featured.

Yet, deal or no deal, this artist’s performance was fantastic. In a nutshell, it was “fiery”.

This great illusionist’s performance lived up to true Bunji Garlin style with pan man, flames, pyrotechnics, appearances by the late Maestro’s family members and a blue car suspended in mid-air (wtf?). (Yeah - I figured it out afterwards; Maestro was knocked down and killed by an automobile – thus the car).

Like an illusionist, this man craftily took the obvious away from the “judges” and the audience, and replaced it with fanfare and tantana.

Reality is - the song was in fact an old song. I know what some of you are NOW thinking: “Aren’t there rules restricting the use of old songs in competitions?” Oh – you forgot? Monroe Show = no competition + no rules!

While I totally enjoyed this man’s performance, I would like to go on record and say that it is unfortunate that he seemed to have moved away from the foundation that his career was built on.

I am not going to say that the man “get soft” because he is married, as other critics have loudly suggested. As a matter of fact, Bunji - I commend the respect that you have for women, as shown when you made Miss FayAnn Lyons an honourable woman by making her your wife and not just your “gyul”. Yet, the fact that you were branded with the title as “People’s Voice” meant that you were the one who voiced the cries of your core audience, which were the grassroots of our society who are, and still remain, the voiceless. I mean, who will speak for them now?

“I am the people’s voice/And I am the people’s choice”, you sang defiantly, holding aloft a shining samurai sword the first time you so rightfully won the Soca Monarch title singing “Smoke Fire Brigade”. Whatever happened to that fearless warrior… that defender of the people… that speaker of the cold, hard truth… that doer of right and exposer of wrongs?

You were (and still are, to some extent) immortalized by your fans who show after show come hungry and thirsty to hear you speak for them, and when you fail to deliver that, it seems to them as if you have gotten “rich and switch” or simply do not care about those issues anymore. Again, I loved your performance for Soca Monarch, but I miss the old Bunji that showed no fear and would go on Monroe’s stage and tell Monroe where to get off with his farce of a show. (Anyway, The Corbeaux did that already, time to stay focused on the Mr & Mrs Alvarez).

As a side note, I hope that HD himself did not silence you, with a phone call from bMobile. If that is the case, go on a stage, talk about it and watch bMobile lose customers. Yeah, that is how powerful your fan base is. (Btw - big up Machel Montano and the HD bus, courtesy of Republic Bank: “The One For You”, except for people who apply for loans for legitimate reasons and cyah get it unless you’re a “Soca star” who want a bus to parade in during carnival and send to car shows for rest of the year… steups!

Anyway... what was I talking about? Oh yeah – Bunji!!!

Bunji boy, one thing that you do not stick with is your wife. And you know what? I admire that.

I remember how upset you were when the announcement was made that you were the winner of the International Soca Monarch… again. You felt that FayAnn should have won, and you know what? Her performance - when compared to previous years - was impressive enough to warrant a victory (although not necessarily better than Nadia’s – I say tie de two ah dem and done!).

Nevertheless, you have to remember that if Monroe has to choose between you and your wife, it will be you. I mean, not that your wife isn’t capable of pulling magnanimous crowds, but you know that the Soca Industry is a male infested, testosterone-driven environment where women make cameos and men are the main attraction. (On this note: Big up Randy Glasgow’s “Ladies’ Night Out" with plenty men in your cast, cause women alone CLEARLY cannot have a show of their own with an all-female cast... after all - who would come and support a LADIES show, right?)

Oh gosh… focus, Corbeaux! Right – back to Bunji and FayAnn again…

As I was saying… Bunji mih boy, your wife “The Silver Surfer”, clearly took your fire and blazed her way across the stage and into the crowd on Fantastic Friday night.

My hats go off to the both of you, however, for taking your lemon and making lemonade by inciting the claim that the injustice done to your wife at Soca Monarch was only fuel for the Road come Carnival Monday and Tuesday. That was the coup that solidified your wife’s victory.

If there was any doubt about it, you took her loss and handed her the Road March. Brilliant! I know that I am known for my sarcasm, but really, it WAS truly brilliant.

As a result of this masterpiece of strategy and well-timed Public Relations, FayAnn’s song - which had already enjoyed much “love and support” on the airwaves due to her tithing of her Malta endorsement money to the mafia (read that twice if you have to) - received double or even triple the support from DJ’s and fans alike after Soca Monarch night. If you were not sure of what song was favoured to win the Road March title, the DJ’s playing on the road for kiddies Carnival the Saturday following the “competition” made it abundantly clear. There was no “Rollin”, there was no “Breathless”, there was no “My Posse” - there was nothing but “Get On”.

Personally, I am glad that she won the title. I am also happy that it was a song that people actually liked as opposed to the songs that were shoved down our throats while we were told that “this is the Road March song for the year”, even though we secretly hated them and wound up crossing the judging points annoyed and lacking energy… or just jumped and wined out of pure “bad mind” while thinking “gawd I hate dis tune” (sound familiar?).

Since when do the DJs tell masqueraders “This is the Road March song”? The most they should say is that they personally favour the song for the title, but when you have mindless cronies like Shal Marshall following orders from the Mafia (i.e. his boss), well what can be expected?

Do not underestimate the legally and spiritually sanctified alliance of FayAnn and Ian Lyons-Alvarez. These two people clearly have proven that the only way to beat a monopoly is to be a monopoly. This coupling of minds and talents systematically served a severe blow to the naysayers and stamped their command for respect in the Soca Industry. As of Carnival 2008, you two have dethroned Carl and Carol Jacob and must now be viewed as the modern day Royal Couple of the Soca Industry - even if you had to stoop to conquer. “All’s fair in love and war” (and Soca), right?

- Carnival Corbeaux Squawks.

Why Nadia Batson Needs To STOP Entering SOCA MONARCH!

Nadia Batson - this is not a real competition, stop approaching it with professionalism.

I think that it was after the list of finalists for the 2008 International Soca Monarch Finals that I was inspired to take an analytical look at the Mother of all Soca/Party Monarch competitions. However, when the results were given, inspiration manifested into action when I, Carnival Corbeaux, decided to do what the Trinidadian media have been afraid to do. I am going to take you on a journey and make visible the behind-the-scenes reality of Trinidad and Tobago’s entertainment industry, starting with the “prestigious” and “coveted” BMobile International Soca Monarch.

I would like to take this opportunity to offer heartfelt sympathy to all Trinidadian Soca artistes for the embarrassing torment that they must endure to even “make it” to the International Soca Monarch finals. You see, International Soca Monarch franchise owner, William Monroe, does not care about the culture and the need for Trinidadian artistes to have their moment of glory during their Carnival season.

The International Soca Monarch, (which from now on will be referred to as the William Monroe Show), is an event opened to international competitors. While to many this may seem plausible, the fact is that Trinidadian Soca artistes have to compete not only against themselves, but against artistes from other territories. Many of these artistes have never performed before a Caribbean audience let alone a Trinidadian audience (anyone remember that horrifying performance from Minmi out of Japan?), and simply for the show to have a measure of “credibility”, these characters are included in the finals. This year alone, out of ten finalists in the “Power category”, four of them were non- Trinidadians. Sadly, artistes like Denise Belfon, Sanelle Dempster, Ms Alysha, Olatunji Yearwood, and Patch - all of whom had GREAT semi final performances and had legitimate hits playing on the radio - were omitted. In the Groovy category, notably absent was Kees Dieffenthaller, whose “Right Dey” was easily one of the most popular grooves for the 2008 Carnival season and who gave an awe-inspiring performance that night as well.

To Kees I would like to say: you should know that because you are a Digicel spokesman, Monroe and BMobile will never give you the chance to even have a shot at the title, no matter how much you may deserve it. You have to either be a BMobile sponsored artist (like Bunji or Shurwayne) or have close personal ties with the government who offers financial support to your radio station (like Iwer George) to even think about being in the Top Three finalists. Okay – last year yuh get a bligh because you and Nadia really mash up de place… but apparently this year they thought you over-did it.

When Party/Soca Monarchs are held throughout the Caribbean the participants from the respective territory compete against other local artistes for the title. The Party/Soca Monarch is not opened to any national from outside the given Party/Soca Monarch territory, while Trinidad is the only Caribbean territory where local artistes have to “compete” against their peers and “international soca acts”.

There is the argument that not all finalists that make it into the “William Monroe Show” actually are winners from Party Monarchs. However, their song may have gotten popularity in Trinidad and are added to the finalist line up to add to the, “International Soca Monarch Finals” illusion. Trinidad and Tobago must be the land of plenty, because year after year, the government of Trinidad and Tobago gives millions of dollars to this competition for William Monroe to give a great chunk of it to non-Trinidadian artistes. This is sad since Trinidadian artistes view the season as their prime opportunity to earn a great chunk of their bread and butter and showcase their skills in the hope that they are given work “in foreign” outside of the season.

Now just to show how illogical the whole selection process and the supposed allowance of “reigning Monarchs” in the “William Monroe Show” is, ponder this: in 2006, Mista Vybe (remember “Ting For D Road”?) was crowned the first ever Caribbean Soca Monarch but did not have the courtesy of having an automatic entry into the finals for 2007 even though he was still the reigning Caribbean Soca Monarch at the time. Yet, the Synergy Soca star winner of the year of the same competition receives an automatic entry into the competition, bypassing the semi- finals and receiving spots in front of well-established Soca artistes such as Mista Vybe. And who is Nnika? As far as I know, she is supposedly from Grenada and William Monroe’s Niece, but has no artist status in her country when compared to artistes such as Baby Killa, Sheldon Douglas, and Ignition. Yet, year after year, Nnika makes it to the International Soca Monarch finals whether she has a song familiar to the Trinidadian audience or not.
At this point, I would like to make a loud suggestion to the other mobile network provider for Trinidad and Tobago, and strongly suggest that they should create a Trinidad and Tobago Soca Monarch solely for Trinidad artistes. Contact the Carnival Corbeaux; I know exactly how to make it possible.

Please do not believe that I am against Caribbean Integration. Shucks, I am a Caribbean person, but charity begins at home. Our Carnival is already threatened by the influx of foreign artistes into the mix, (big up to Machel Montano) so let us salvage what is still available to us and defend it. Let us take the time to honour our own before we honour someone else and have it taken away.

Then again, I should not be so critical about the concept behind the, “William Monroe Show”, since William Monroe himself is not a Trinidadian (he’s from Grenada) and therefore has no allegiance to the Scarlet Ibis and the Cocrico, but full allegiance to the red, green, grey, purple, and the blue.

Someone needs to tell my Caribbean Girl, Nadia Batson, that the obvious effort, love and hard work that she has given to this competition since 2006 fails to meet the requirements for the, “William Monroe Show”. This “Caribbean Girl”, brings a Broadway-esque presentation to the “William Monroe Show” year after year, and year after year the public of Trinidad and Tobago sees this multi-talented sexy diva execute performances warranting the title, and without fail, she is consistently dishonoured.

I remember hearing one popular female artist “Get On” bad, telling the Inaugural Groovy Soca Monarch 2005, that the only way the people will remember you in Soca Monarch is if you show leg, thigh, and breast. I’ll give you a hint: every year she shows just that – leg, thigh… and some breast… well, what little she has in the breast department, anyway. Do not get me wrong, this Queen does look damn good, and she clearly knows what the “William Monroe Show” needs, so she gives it to him.

I do not know about you, but I am tired of the level of disrespect that this competition pays to you, Nadia, but then again, this is not a competition in the true sense of the word.

What Monroe has done is invent an illusionary tactic to hoodwink Trinidad and Tobago’s generous government purse and woo the public to give up their hard-earned money for an increasingly lackluster and anti-climactic show. This event is too classy for you and your camp Ms Batson (or are you Mrs. Yet?). I saw you begging for entrance to get into the backstage area for Soca Monarch, the show that you are expected to compete in … disrespectful. They had to check to verify that your pass was valid as you made your way through the mob of people trying to get in. Girl, I remember when they put you third in the Groovy Soca Monarch after Chucky in 2007, because his father is the head judge for the “William Monroe Show”. Then I saw you get placed second after a stellar performance with Kees, as opposed to the lackluster Iwer George in the Power category of the same year. Somehow Iwer wound up winning the Power category with a song (“Fete After Fete”) that he initially registered for Groovy.

As a side point, imagine if you will, our Soca Ambassador to Germany during the Soca Warriors World Cup campaign in 2006 World Cup, Maximus Dan and his wife, being initially denied entry to the Soca Monarch Finals 2008 after they purchased backstage passes at the cost of $140.00TT like everyone else. Yes, you read right, William Monroe sold backstage passes (to both competitors on the night and genuine VIPs like Maximus) for Soca Monarch 2008. Girl, what can I tell you, you must be a Yolanda Adams fan… “yet still I rise…”

To further illustrate the claim I am making regarding Monroe’s interest in show first and competition second, winners for the competition must agree to defend their title the following year. So, yes, we will be seeing Bunji Garlin next year, defending the title cause not only is “the fire man”, a “true competitor”, he is a crowd puller for the show and this is a man that Monroe cannot afford to lose for his “show”.

All in all, I cannot lay the blame squarely on the feet of William Monroe. The reality is, if there are no competitors, then there will be no show.

It is at this juncture that I would like to honour artistes such as Machel Montano, Destra Garcia, Maximus Dan and KMC, who have taken a notable hiatus from this farce of a competition, agreeing only to perform as guests if Monroe hires them.

For once, it would be nice if artistes stop competing among themselves and stand together for something. Everyone in the Soca fraternity knows of the numerous issues surrounding this event that I have outlined and much more that still remains unsaid, but they prefer to perpetuate the mindless slave mentality and say nothing so that they can save their own asses. Massa day done! If you are not for something then you must be against it and continuing to pay a $100.00 registration fee for judges to listen to a CD to get you into the semi final round is not doing anything to ensure that some measure of integrity is brought to the competition. When you continue to participate in this competition it means that you agree with the terms and conditions under which the competition is conducted. Do like Faye-Ann Lyons and declare that, “…my song could be big like the Berlin Wall, I will not enter”. I am holding you to that Mrs. Alvarez!

Artistes - stand together and tell this Grenadian that he cannot come to this country and use divide and conquer rule for his personal gain. The show cannot go on without you, remember that. In this case, without you, the show cannot go on.

- Carnival Corbeaux squawks.